Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Squeaky bum time

Fri May 09 08:41AM

Alex Ferguson will be the first to admit it - if ever there was a time for backsides to start making funny noises, it will be on Sunday when the final chapter of this season's story unfolds.

With just one issue settled heading into the final day - the Worst Team Ever title, consummately won by Derby who are now on course to sweep a host of gongs at next week's star-studded Early Doors awards ceremony - there is still all to play for, not least at the top end of the table.

But Fergie might be able to get a better night's sleep on Saturday and avoid having to take a boxful of Rennie Dual Action before kick-off if he just reads ED's exclusive Five Omens Which Point to Manchester United Winning the Title:

Steve Bruce - There's more than just Roy Carroll and the East Lancs Road connecting United and Wigan. Much has been made of Bruce's past feats for United, not least his brace of late headed goals that effectively handed Fergie a first title in England back in 1993. And would the man who sports one of the most broken hooters in the world really be willing to put his nose out of joint once more to make life difficult for his former club? Hmmm. ED is not suggesting that Brucey will actively seek to ask his players to roll over; just he wouldn't be too disappointed to lose.

Ian Forshaw - Fergie must have been dreading a trip to the muddy backwater that is Wigan, where teams, including Chelsea, have come unstuck (or rather, stuck) on the boggy JJB pitch already this season. But hey presto, the sun comes out for a few days and miraculously the pitch suddenly looks a million dollars. Fergie is well known for his intolerance of poor pitches - he once berated his own groundsman on the day he was awarded an employee of the season award - but surely his influence doesn't stretch as far as Wigan. Or does it? It was Fergie, after all, who officially opened the JJB back in 1999, and he is still held is high regard by the woolybacks. Go figure. Oh, Ian Forshaw is Wigan's head groundsman, by the way.

Global warming - Not only has the gradual heating of the earth banished any muddy demons threatening to derail United's passing game, but should the sun shine on Sunday, United are again likely to benefit. How? By creating an atmosphere of an end of season stroll in the park for Wigan's players, who may be tempted to kick back, relax and think of where they're going to spend the summer now their Premier League status is assured. Fergie at work again? Depends how big a carbon footprint his car leaves.

Cristiano Ronaldo - Not really for his ability to find the back of the net - which has undoubtedly impressed this season - but more for his incredible scoring rate off the field. How can a man enjoying such form away from the pitch not end up a winner on it? Incredible, unrivalled talent.

Andrew Cole - Safely banished to the Championship since January, the artist formerly known as Andy will not be anywhere near the JJB Stadium on Sunday. And after his unfortunate performance against West Ham on the last day of the season in 1995, that can only be a good thing for United. Instead they will have the likes of Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez in their ranks, all of whom are more than capable of beating Chris Kirkland - and probably even Ludek Miklosko.

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A chairman wouldn't be a chairman without offering his own opinion before the big game (unless your name is Malcolm Glazer that is - is he still even with us?) so step forward Wigan supremo Dave Whelan.

Whelan thinks Wigan will become the most hated club on the planet if his club manage to get something from Sunday's game - something to do with upsetting all those millions of United fans across the globe. But before Chelsea fans jump down his throat, he points out that he doesn't mind that particular tag. After all, if it's good enough for United, it must be good enough for Wigan.

Speaking of reputations, Bolton look sure to build on theirs as one of the Premier League's most fluid, attractive footballing sides with just a point needed against Chelsea to secure their top flight status.

Or perhaps not. Bolton are expected to park a bus in front of Chelsea's goal at Stamford Bridge in an effort to avoid an 11-goal difference swing in favour of Reading. Gary Megson has even said there will be no place for "champagne football" from his side. Champagne? ED thought the only fizzy football Bolton were capable of was the equivalent of a cheap bottle of Cava on special at Asda's.

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ONE TO FOLLOW: King Kev's showdown talks with Mike Ashley in London. The pair are due to meet later on today, and by all accounts the man in the replica shirt is not a happy camper following Kev's assertion that Newcastle are "a million miles" away from the top four. Manchester's not as far as that Kev, but it's a valid point nonetheless. Expect tantrums, stamping of feet and a fair bit of finger jabbing behind closed doors before sweetness and light as they emerge to face the media.

FOREIGN VIEW: "They had 1.7 million euros. I sent them to buy chocolate and candies. I buy what I want. The money is mine and I may send them anywhere I want." Steaua Bucharest owner Gigi Becali admits the huge amount of money carried by four people sent by him to meet a Universitatea Cluj player at a restaurant ahead of the Romanian title decider earlier this week was indeed his. Amazingly, he denies allegations of corruption but it all smells a bit fishy to ED, who knows full well how much a Dime Bar costs these days, and it certainly isn't anywhere in the region of 1.7 million euros.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "We ask Mr Blatter not to take us back to Bosman. We cannot go back to the pre-Bosman era. A professional footballer is a worker and should be treated like any other worker," Greek MEP Mnolis Mavromatis intercepts Sepp Blatter's '6+5' proposal before firmly booting it into touch. Just don't expect Blatter to be deterred.

WHAT'S THE PICTURE ALL ABOUT? After the relative success of yesterday's unwitting caption competition, what does today's picture of Euro 2008's official fan beers say to you? As for the marching paramilitary police, jjss.rm elicited a guffaw with this: "In North Korea, Kim Jong Il's army of robotic footballers still has some technical glitches".

TALKING POINT: It may not have been granted a moniker by the television gods, but it's still a day of massive importance and your musings on Sunday's Final Countdown Spectacular^TM are more than welcome.

COMING UP: We'll have all the latest team news ahead of Bum Squeak Weekend throughout the day followed by live text commentary on Southend's clash with Doncaster in the first leg of their League One play-off semi-final at 19:45 BST. Miss it and you'll never forgive yourself.

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